Emotional Intelligence, Lifestyle, Self-Esteem

Who Am I? Whose Life Am I Living?

The basics. I am a 33-year-old woman. I have two children, both boys, ages 17 and 8 respectively. I was born in Louisville Kentucky, but I have lived more than half my life in Louisiana (18 years to be exact). I am the second oldest of 6 siblings. I am a college graduate. I have three really close friends, Tasha (22 years of friendship), Marleeta (16 years of friendship), and Rayshel (4 years of friendship).

I am 5’6. I weigh…lol. I am at a good weight relevant to my height and size. My natural eyes are brown, but I wear gray contacts daily. My hair is worn natural. I do not wear make-up, only Chapstick.

Ok, I am sure you are wondering, where is she going with this, right? The information I provided above are indisputable facts. They are not influenced by anyone or anything in life. They are what they are. It is what it is. But, that isn’t who I am. Who I am is comprised of all my thoughts and feelings, hopes and aspirations, needs and desires—all of which can be influenced by outside factors and people. Which is why I am writing this on today.

Each day we are consciously and subconsciously influenced by the things that we read, watch, and listen to—especially the people that we interact with on a regular and consistent basis. There have been times in my life where I will have to stop and reflect upon how I came to a certain point of view.  Did it originate with me? Had I heard it somewhere else before? Whose thoughts are these really?

I am at a point in my life where every detail matters. I’m having so many conversations daily and so many interactions with new people consistently that I haven’t had a moment to really sit back and get a feel for me. Who am I? I used to know exactly what I wanted in life, but after many setbacks and denials, I began to withdraw subconsciously from a life that I knew I wanted. Now, I have all these new experiences and input into my life, that I am completely at a loss as to what is truly me, and what is an illusion based on all the filters and masks I have accumulated throughout my life.

Trying to find my place in this world, and trying to just fit in, I have adapted to certain people and situations. I have become acclimated to a life that I do not believe is my own.

So, what does that mean for me? I must tune out life, meaning, I am going to have to take a sabbatical from social media, and from many people in general. I must spend more time with myself, getting to know me again. I know who I am at my core. I am a woman who loves making others smile and bringing positive energy to a room. I am a woman whose spirit is beautiful and powerfully contagious. I am a woman who is in love with the idea of love. I am also a woman who has allowed life to rob me of my hopes, dreams, and aspirations. I have allowed the voices of others to replace my own. I have become so consumed with self-doubt that I don’t trust myself to make rational decisions for my life.

I am taking me back today. I am going to court me. I am going to love me. I am going to acknowledge me. I am going to understand me. I am going to confront me. I am going to take the broken pieces of me and begin anew. I am going to become me. I have been wandering lost for far too long. I know exactly when it started. As I type this, I know exactly what I must do first.

I must believe in me, wholeheartedly and without any reservation. 

That is where I must begin. That is my start. Guys, we are on a journey to my greatness. Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Can you rel8?

With Love & Respect,

DannyD

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