This is the first blog that I have written that has made me cry! ☹
Next year Chris is going to graduate from high school and will make 18 a couple months later. While I am not sure of his immediate plans following high school, I do know that he does not want to live in Baton Rouge. I know that I must begin readying my mind and my heart for him to leave the nest and create a life that is suitable to him.
Steven is at a crossroads in his life where he is weighing his options as to which parent he wants to live with. If he decides to go stay with his dad, as much as it will break my heart to not see his face every day, if it is what he feels he wants, I will not stand in his way.
So, what happens in my life if/when both my boys leave? ☹ It hurts my heart just writing this. The tears are already in my eyes. I don’t know. My life has revolved around my kids for the last 17 years, 3 months, and 20 days. I can say that the house is lonely on the weekends when they both are away. While others may assume that I am out living it up when they are gone, that is the furthest thing from the truth. I may go out for an hour or two on a Friday night to listen to some music, but I’m normally home by 10:30/11; and curled up on my couch shortly after. If I don’t go out and choose to stay in, I will turn Pandora on and either clean my house or sing and dance the night away in my living room.
This would really be a new beginning for me. I honestly do not know that I am ready for it. My kids are all that I have. My best friends & all of my family—aside from my mom—live in different states. My mom has her own life. I know people in Baton Rouge, but I don’t have close relationships. The few friendships that I have, no one really has time to truly maintain the friendship outside of a text message or phone call here and there. So, I guess it is truly kind of a shame, my kids are my life and without them, I believe that I am going to be lost and alone. Is that pitiful? ☹☹☹☹
I thought I could write about this and truly explore it, but I am not ready. I will still share, because I do believe that others may rel8.
With Love & Respect,