You’re SINGLE? Why? How? What’s wrong with you? Sighs. How could this possibly be? You’re a beautiful woman. You have a good head on your shoulders. You’re independent and raising two fine young men. You’ve got a college degree. You have a great personality. How is it that you are single? Well folks, that is the million-dollar question; and to whomever provides the onlookers with the best plausible explanation, YOU WIN NOTHING! 😊😊😊😊 (gotta have a sense of humor here folks!)
Look, I have been single for 99.7% of my life. I’ve dated here and there (not a lot by any means); but for the most part, I have been flying solo most of my 33 years on this earth. I used to ask myself all those questions, and there are times that I still question why. One of the main reasons that I keep men at a minimum in my life is because I have my two sons; and I never want to be that mother who has men in and out of their lives. Relationships and people are so fickle these days. One minute you see them and the next you don’t. I don’t have the patience for it; and I have to respect & protect my children.
I have been told that I am unapproachable. I don’t know what that means, and I don’t agree with it. I think that a huge part of the problem is not that I am not approachable, but rather that men have become used to women being the aggressor in this day and age, and so they feel that they don’t have to pursue a woman. Am I wrong? Of course not. One of my ex’s, who is now my best friend, tells me all the time how he doesn’t have to approach women anymore and likely won’t because they don’t even give him a chance to approach! Women have taken on this dominant persona that doesn’t allow for the man to be a man anymore; and for women like me, I guess that is my loss. I am not going to approach a man. I am not going to ask a man out on a date. It’s just not going to happen in this lifetime, not for me.
Earlier this year, I found myself in a short-lived relationship with the man that I have called my soulmate for a decade now, but I let it and him go. He wanted to marry me, maybe still does. He wanted to have a family with me; but he didn’t want to put forth the effort that I needed him to to make us work. I’m not in my twenties any longer. I really don’t have the patience to deal with anything less than anyone giving me their best, because that is what I am going to give always. I know my worth and if you can’t see it, then we can’t be together. Consistency and communication are key components that I refuse to settle on.
At this point in my life, I don’t even know that I believe in the concept of marriage. Is it just a piece of paper, a legal document, binding two persons together? From the outside looking in on a lot of marriages, it seems rather futile to me. From cheating and lying to abuse and disrespect, WHO WANTS THAT? There’s no loyalty anymore. People are marrying and divorcing faster than they can change today’s dirty drawers! I know people my age, in their early 30’s, who are on their second & third marriages. How? Do vows mean anything? When did for better or worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us part turn into, I love you today, I can’t stand you tomorrow, this just isn’t working, it was good while it lasted, bye, on to the next?
I often feel that in my perpetual state of singleness, I am getting the better deal. From what I see and what I hear, life is better done alone. The phrase “I can do bad all by myself” comes to mind when I reflect on the marriages/relationships that I am privy to. Life is hard enough on my own, why would I want to complicate it and put additional stress and hardship on me willingly? Yeah serious side eye to that.
Now don’t get me wrong. I long to have someone to just do life with. I love to dance; and I cannot wait for the day when I am sitting in my living room on a night much like tonight, jamming to some old school music, and just twirling around the room with someone who loves music just as much as I do. I want to have a companion that I can chase sunsets and sunrises with across the globe. If a companion would happen my way, I don’t know that I would ruin what we build with a marriage. I think I would be OK with a “life partner”. It just seems like when you go putting titles on things that shit begins to fall apart. But maybe that’s just me.
Do I get lonely? Of course I do. Some days and nights are better than others. I keep busy and try not to make that my focus in life. I don’t want to truly be a perpetual single. I would love for that to change some day. But for now, it’s my lot in life and I accept it.
With Love and Respect,